I was on a joint Army/Marine patrol in Afghanistan. We were all trying to sleep in this makeshift bunker when we heard gunfire. It had been so fucking hot all night so we were stripped down to our boxers and t-shirts but they were still soaked with sweat. As soon as I heard the shots, I grabbed my camos and boots, and my rifle – my CO posted me right at the edge of the compound where I could see everyone coming and going and my job was to keep my buddies safe as they passed in and out of the compound, and to keep outsiders out
I realized it was about 0500 – usually when I hit the latrine to take a piss and crap – and my body wanted to do that now, but I couldn’t leave my post.
I’d been there about an hour – marines and grunts (Army guys) passing back and forth through, and the enemy fire was still pretty active about a half a mile away. At this point, I really had to piss, so bad I want’ gonna be able to hold it much longer. TO fuck it all up, the SGT MGR was right behind me being chatty – not helping at all. Finally he left and I had to fucking piss. by now it was 0700 and the temp in the desert was already around 100 degrees. I figured if I pissed my underwear and camos, it was so hot and dry it would be dried out in minutes, so I waited for a lull and just let loose. pissed a good long one. Luckily the digital pattern on my ACU’s hid most of the piss. It actually felt good at first. but DAMN – I had JUST put on a NEW pair of white boxers the night before – now these fuckers wouldn’t pass an inspection ..if we had one…in desert duty, most guys put on a new pair of underwear, wear them until they start to rot, then just toss them in the latrine or nearest bonfire – man they get rank!
Anyway – now 0830 and I’m still on fucking guard duty, and I’ve had to take a crap for 3 hours.. THe SGT MGR came back and I asked him if I could be releived for 10 minutes to take a crap and he gave me a real hard time and said NO – he was ARMY and they like fucking with us Marines A LOT! I think he was kinda hoping this 6’4″ 245lb Marine would shit himself – Army guys would LOVE that,,, It got to be 0900 and now about 110 degrees, I was still on guard duty and I couldn’t fuckin hold it anymore. My turd just started slowly coming out… I could feel a big turd pasing my butt cheeks, then hitting the back of my boxer shorts and tenting out the ass. The more I tried to prevent it, the more it just kept coming until I finally filled the ass of my boxers and camos. I felt relief, but I also stank… Then I heard a voice…. The SGT MGR had been right behind me watching the whole thing….
“OK you Marine pussy boy, you can have a latrine break now… HA HA HA” I went to the latrine, dumped out the turds and left the filthy boxers on the floor of what was basically an “outhouse”… pulled my camos back up (fuck they’d be skidmarked now) and went back to my post. Leaving them there was a HUGE mistake – should have tossed them down the hole… after evening chow, we were all drinking some beers, and there was a commotion, and a bunch of Army guys started parading around with what looked like a white flag…. it was my shit stained boxers on a pole… no denying they were mine with my laundry mark on them… they ceremoniously dumped them on my head and had a really good laugh about how Marines were so “full of shit”… I NEVER lived that one down…. I aslo switched to tan/brown boxers after that…..