Turd Roommates Chapter 1

Joe needed a roommate, and fast. He was 24, short on money, and had a major pizza and beer habit, which in addition to being expensive, gave him a nice hairy flabby gut, a big round bubble butt, and really bad gas. He started looking online and came across an ad that made him very interested.

“Slacker dude seeks male roommate to share expenses in studio apartment. Must be very relaxed, anything goes around the house. Must be OK with sharing a bathroom with another guy.”

The price was right, and Joe was intrigued by the bathroom sharing part. He had always been interested in watching guys fart and poop, so the close quarters would be a plus. He called the number in the ad and within an hour, was driving across town to see the place.

On the way over, he couldn’t resist stopping for some fast food, even though he had just ate a ‘real’ lunch an hour earlier. Joe was a glutton and it really showed on his waste-line. He stuffed his face with fast food in the car, even though his gut was already stuffed with the remains of five days worth of meals – he was constipated, big time. The car reeked of turd gas, and he could feel his huge turd pushing on his hole with every bump the car went over. As he pulled up to the apartment, Joe tried to get most of his gas out, so he could go at least a few minutes without farting. He hoped his potential roommate didn’t mind his near-constant, smelly gas production.

Joe knocked on the door, which was answered by a handsome guy in his late 20s, wearing shorts and a dirty t-shirt that barely covered his big, bloated belly. The man looked like he just rolled out of bed, with stubble on his face and a slice of cold pizza in his hand.

“Hey man. I’m Jay. Come on in and take a look at the place.”

Joe walked into the small apartment and noticed lots of empty beer cans and dirty underwear thrown on the floor. There was a big, comfy couch in front of the TV where it looked like Jay spent most of his time.

Joe said, “Man, his looks like my kind of place. I’m a very relaxed guy. Hope you don’t mind that I’m between jobs right now so I’d be home a lot.”

Jay laughed and said, “Dude, I think we’d get along great. I am a chronic slacker. Love to just hang out with a bro and drink beer, play video games, and eat wings.”

They kept talking, and were really hitting it off. They had just agreed that Joe should move in ASAP, and were exchanging money, when Joe smelled the heavy, unmistakable odor of a silent but deadly fart filling the room. He hadn’t farted himself, even though he could really feel the pressure of his big hard dump, so it must’ve been Jay. The guy could really clear a room! The stink made Joe’s gut rumble, and his constipated log pressed harder on his bladder.

“Jay, I gotta take a piss.”

Jay immediately looked worried. “Can you…uhhh…use the tub to piss? The toilet is….broken. I’ll have it fixed by the time you move in.”

“Sure dude. I can just let my fire hose spray freely in the tub.” They both laughed.

Joe went into the bathroom, shut the door, and emptied his bladder in the tub. He let out a huge, loud, long fart that lasted almost the entire length of his piss. He could feel his enormous bowel movement shifting in his butt, and squeezed his cheeks together when he was done pissing to make sure the log didn’t try to crown at an inopportune time.

Joe just had to sneak a look at the toilet…what was Jay hiding? He opened the lid and gasped.

The most enormous log of solid shit Joe had ever seen was completely blocking the drain-hole. One knobbly end disappeared down the hole, and the other end stuck rigidly almost a foot out of the water. It was hard, beer can thick, dark brown, and nuggety all the way up and down its long shaft. The water around the turd had turned brown…it had obviously been there a while, un-flushable. Joe unconsciously rubbed his erection through his shorts while imagining just how far down the drain the enormous grogan went. He must’ve been standing there for longer than he thought because he was jolted back to reality by Jay knocking on the door.

“Are you layin some cable in there bro?”

To be continued…

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