I woke up one morning the wife gone to work all alone in the house feeling idle I just lay there knowing I need the loo . I was needing pee because I was starting get hard from holding on and rumbles in tum so guess need shit too. to hell I though my cock facing up my tum and so I lifted the sheets and got a flow of pee hit me in the face and mouth , don’t usually like first pee can be a bit strong but I just savoured what there was . next I broke wind and eased pressure of my ass I just pushed out a long hardish log , smelt ok though and took a hand full to rub over my cock wanking it in long slow strokes god the shit made it feel like I was stroking it in massage oil . I didn’t last too long , shot a load of pearly cum over my chest some hitting me in the face . I licked some off my lip mmmm nice . anyway thought I better get this mess sorted before wife gets home , just then the front door went was the lady from next door she shouted up the stairs hello I though o shit and grabbed my dressing gown and met her at the bottom of the stairs . she said wife had left her a small parcel ,I said I don’t know anything about one , then she sniffed the air whats that smell ,I had small accident up stairs its ok I sort it ,she said smells like poo I said yes I did a mess by accident , where she said ,its ok I sorted I repeated come on let me help as she pushed past up the stairs . she saw the mess on the bed a said you been a very naughty boy with that she undid my dressing gown and saw the mess and the fresh cum on my chest mmmmm she fresh cum . I just laughed but said look please don’t say anything to wife . she said ha ha and what do I get in return . I know she says if I can pee and shit over you while I masturbate myself till I cum we call it quits ha do I have any choice I said , she laughed no lol . now she is a middle build lady and I do fancier but this I never thought could happen . she stripped off and told me lie on the be she stepped over me ass over my cock pussy facing my chest . she was horny and started to play with her smooth hairless cunt .as I watch she moan and my cock stirred . she shouted iam going piss on you wanker and shot it all over my chest and over my face I opened my mouth to taste it she gushed all she had and carried on playing with her pussy. next I heard a fart and a crackle noise as she was playing knew what she was up to so did my cock rock hard again now . then I heard her grunt and moan asshe she over my cock as she rode to her orgasm wow did she moan I just pushed her down on my cock slide straight into her anal hole and I fucked her ass till we both cum mmmm was good . after we all done she come on I help you clean up which she did and afterwards left before wife came home . the wife said ive had a busy day how was your I nothing much happened I gulped as I said that lol . I said next door been round for parcel but did find it . she really ha I leave the story right there lol .