Celebrity Human Toilet
Howard Stern’s staff were very nice to me when I arrived at their tiny, but very well organized studio, offering me coffee and muffins. As I had noticed before, the women all looked at in a particular way, like they were contemplating shitting and pissing in my mouth. I was a sideshow monkey, a curiosity.
So how do you do it, Russell? Don’t you just want to gag. I’d throw up for sure. I fantasize about a lot of kinky shit, but never being a woman’s toilet, I just can’t get past what that must taste like. It has to be absolutely horrible! Why did you volunteer for this Human Toilet Project? Did they offer you a ton of money? How much? How much money were you offered, Russell?
(This is how most of the interview went, he rarely gave me the opportunity to answer his rapid fire questions)
Enough Howard. I was offered enough, but that wasn’t why I volunteered.
So why did you volunteer? Did you look at all the hot chicks in the room, and wonder, hey! Why not be their toilet for a night, what the hell? Might be fun!
Well, actually it was because I was curious if could manage to get through it. It was kind of a challenge, plus the doctor said she liked my sense of humor.
Yeah! Hey, Russell, I like your sense of humor, now come over here and let me shit in your mouth! Was it like that? The doctor was a woman? Wow! No wonder you volunteered. Women doctors give me a hard on!
Before I could respond, Howard Stern continued…So you spent two nights at the Club Diva in San Francisco, being their ladies room. The ladies had no where else to go, they had to either leave the club to take a shit, or use your mouth. Wow! Of course, from what I understand most of these women were volunteers. Who would volunteer to do that? Maybe they pretended you were their ex boyfriend or ex husband, or their father or something, I don’t know, it’s weird though. And get this! Russell, here, this skinny old guy, I’m sorry but it’s true, you’re no Charles Atlas, that’s for sure! Russell didn’t just swallow a few turds, he swallowed gallons of piss, and hundreds of pounds, maybe tons, I don’t know, of shit from these women. There was a constant line. It never stopped, did it? So, let me ask you Russell, just when are you going to stop taking shit from these women? Ha Ha Ha I couldn’t resist that one. Sorry!
Well, that’s the thing, Howard. It seems that all of that shit and piss did an amazing thing to my body.
Yeah! That’s right! I was leading up to that, but you brought it up now, that’s cool! People you are not going to believe this! Did you know that Russell’s body actually began to thrive on this constant diet of turds and pee? Really! As a matter of fact, it has reached a point where his body actually needs women’s shit and piss to survive. Isn’t that right, Russell?
Yes. That is right. I have come to accept myself as a Human Toilet. It even feels kind of natural.
Wow!! You have really gone around the bend, Russell! Shit and piss! My God! But if you have to do this, you may as well find a way to live with it, I guess, maybe even enjoy it. I’m not one to judge! There are stranger things in this world. I can’t think of anything right at the moment, but there has got to be stranger things. Well, I have good news for you Russell. I don’t know if you are familiar with New York Noir. It’s a kinky club here in Manhattan, and they are eager to help you and the Project out. By the way, are you still involved in the Human Toilet Project?
Yes. They have told me they want to keep me alive and healthy in any way they can, and yeah, I am, I’ll always be a part of the Project, so long as there is one, I guess.
(I felt a rush of excitement! I was going to be the ladies toilet for this club in New York! I wouldn’t have to depend on Club Diva!)
So anyhow, New York Noir has actually invited you to be their ladies toilet tonight! Your personal staff have already been out there and have installed your special…what do you call it? It isn’t a toilet but it’s what you use.
Ok. Your box then. It’s there. It’s all set. So you are set for this week at least! But then what? We have been thinking about what is next for you, Russell, and I am asking my listeners to call in and if you have a public club, bar, I don’t know, some place where a lot of women use the toilet. If you could use Russell as a ladies toilet, let us know, and we will pass the word on. This guy needs to be a toilet to survive. This is no joke! Let us know!
That night at New York Noir was amazing! The piss and shit was very familiar, but it had become almost routine by now, with the exception of the really messy bowel movements, or the times my mouth and throat would fill up so quickly with piss and shit that I could hardly stand it, but that didn’t happen that often. The women were so friendly! I enjoyed the brief glimpses I would get of them before getting that up close and personal view of their ass and anus. I would make up stories about them as they peed and shit in my mouth, what their lives must be like. The thoughts of a toilet, one that could think and feel. I also did a lot of shitting and pissing of my own. This time I felt more relaxed as one woman after another came in and used me. I needed this to stay alive. I could adjust to this kind of life. I already had to a large extent.
Since that fateful morning, when I appeared on Howard Stern’s show, and my shitty situation had been broadcast to the world, my life has totally changed. I am still a Human Toilet and I lie almost every night beneath the ass of one woman after another, some thin, some fat, some white, some black, some tanned. I watch the stream of piss and slowly drink it as it fills my throat and mouth. I watch their anus pucker and receive their shit again and again and again. That hasn’t changed, but all else has. I have been handsomely paid to be the ladies toilet in dance clubs, outdoor events, conventions, even shopping malls, throughout the US, and in Canada, Brazil, and especially in Europe. I am booked to be the ladies toilet for the next three years, and I expect to receive offers after that. I needn’t worry about running out of women’s shit and piss. There is an endless supply of women willing, even eager to shit and piss in my mouth. I can’t divulge any names, because I promised confidentiality, but I have had many women celebrities, actresses, singers, comedians, shit and pee in my mouth. It has become a badge of honor between them. I am the women’s toilet mascot for the world. I am the expert on shit cuisine. I am The Shit!
Maureen and I were married this last March and she still shows up at the ladies room, if I am the toilet for that night, and uses me. Her shit still tastes like semi sweet chocolate. Except for those hours spend on my back with my mouth forced open, I lead a normal and rather rich life. I have taken up painting, and no, I don’t use excrement to paint with. I don’t like to mix my night job with my leisure time.
Somehow I sensed deep inside me, when I began this weird adventure, that I would end up a Human Toilet for Life, but I never suspected I would be a the best known, and best loved Human Toilet in the world. I have my detractors for sure, but that is a topic for another time, and frankly, I don’t really give a damn.