Pissing and pooing for me

I had met Helen on a dirty matures website. She was 61 and married but was looking for an outlet for her dirty fantasies. She told me she was attracted to my profile because there were things that made us a possible match. She liked that I liked a voluptuous, Rubenesque figure, and that I liked a hirsute woman. I had also stated on my profile that I liked wet sex – that I enjoyed the feel, the smell, and the taste of urine. Since she had read that and was still happy to chat with me, I figured I might be in for some naughty fun.

We got to know each other a little bit on chat, and finally agreed to meet for a drink and a meal if we liked each other. We agreed to meet at a restaurant near me and she arrived by Uber. I was already at the bar and she had no trouble recognizing me as I’d told her I’d be the single guy in a blue shirt and silver hair.

I thought she was very attractive, dressed in a white, low-cut blouse it showed her ample cleavage and a black skirt that showed plenty of thigh. I was pleased to find that she shared my liking for beer. We set and made small talk for awhile and she told me she liked all of the things I’d mentioned in my profile and was looking for someone about my age (64) who would like to watch her do the naughty things she fantasised about. At this point I said, “That sounds intriguing, what are those things? “

She didn’t answer immediately, but leaned forward close to my ear and said, “Why don’t we have a quiet meal and talk about things?” That sounded good to me, so we moved into the restaurant and chose a quiet corner table.

I figured it might be better to take it easy for a while, so we just discussed ourselves and normal things we enjoyed. We had several more beers and a nice meal and had reached a point in our conversation where we had grown quiet and we’re looking at each other. She leaned over the table and sit quietly, “One thing I enjoy is the feeling of farting and since this meal I feel like doing that now. Are you sure you won’t run away?”

I said “Helen, I’ve already told you I’m a very olfactory sort of guy. The thought of the very personal, intimate fragrances of a woman turns me on immensely. All fragrances.”

She said, “Thank god for that and moved her body slightly by which I could tell she was surreptitiously lifting one ass cheek off her chair. She looked straight at me and I heard a quiet ‘blib…blib…blib…blib’ noise. I said, “Fuck, Helen, that’s hot. I love to hear a woman fart.”

She smiled and asked, “Can you smell it? I hope only you can.” I waited for a while… “God, yes I can… it’s so pungent.” She asked me, “Do you mind it?” I told her I loved it.

With that Helen leaned across the table again and said, “God you’re making me horny. I’ve never done this before with a stranger knowing what I was doing.”

After she finished another beer, she said to me, “I have to pee…” and looked straight at me, saying nothing more. I said, “Let’s ask the waitress if we can take our drinks outside to the tables on the pavement.” Now it was her turn to look intrigued, but she agreed.

We ordered more beer and moved outside the pub. There were several large tables with a seating form on each side and a set of plastic screens surrounding the group of tables.

The street and footpath outside the pub sloped down past the building, so even the tables and forms we’re on a slight angle. I chose the farthest table and motioned Helen to sit on the far side with her back to the screen.

I said to her, “Just open yourself up and let it go. Piss yourself. Give me your phone and I’ll video this for you to watch later.” Naturally, I meant for us to watch later. She grinned and took another hearty draft from her glass. I said, “Go on, let it go. Nobody is going to hear us.” Within a few seconds I heard her urine splattering gently on the footpath beneath the table. Because of the slope, it ran beneath the screen and almost directly into the gutter. I turned on the phone torch and held the phone beneath the table. I hoped I was getting the whole thing.

The sound and the look on her face were the hottest, most arousing, things I’d experienced. I wanted desperately to be able to dive under the table and thrust my face between her legs. She continued to piss for 30 seconds and even continued to swig her beer.

She looked at me and said, “You have to do it too.” I looked guiltily over my shoulder and there were no others at the tables. I unzipped my fly and took out my hardening cock. I hadn’t been experiencing the need to pee but after waiting for what seemed an age, I started urinating under the table. I held my legs as wide apart as possible and surreptitiously put one elbow on a thigh, my fingers ensuring my cock sprayed directly in front of Helen and not on my trousers. It was her turn to hold the phone, and she said “Fuck, I’m going to enjoy watching this.”

I was highly aroused by now and couldn’t stop thinking about her dripping panties and the smell of her urine. We talked for a while. Dirty stuff… she liked filthy, intimate talk as much as much as me. She said, “My cunt is so warm.” Then she said, “I have to fart again.” I looked over my shoulder… still no one else at the tables. I said, “Do it And I want to hear it.”

She let go along burbling fat that sounded slightly liquid. I said, “Fuck, that’s making me hard.” She asked me, “Is your place far away? Let’s go for another drink and I’m going to have to use your toilet soon.” Fuck me, I can tell you that statement was redolent with possibility. I said, “Two blocks… let’s go.”

I got more beers. She said “Ooooh, I have to do something soon. I’m soooo full.” As soon as we got away from the pub in a darker part of the street, she turned to me and pulled me close for a kiss. She put her mouth beside my ear and said “Feel me up. Fondle my vagina. Sniff your fingers. Smell me. I’m so wet and it’s not just the pee.” I slipped my hand down, lifted the front of her skirt, and slid the palm of my hand over her damp nylon panties.

As I was doing this, she leaned against me and released another bubbly fart. She said “Fuck, if we don’t get to your place soon, I’m going to poo myself. I said “Oh fuck, Helen, just do it. I want to feel it and smell it.”

She said, “Put your hand around behind me, under my panties, I can’t wait any longer.”

As I did so, she grunted ever so slightly and I heard the squelching, popping sound that turns me on so much when I watch scat videos.

“I’m shitting myself,” she whispered. “I’m pooing in my panties.

I felt the warm bulge of shit against the palm of my hand and heard her pissing on the pavement. She let out of breath and leaned against my shoulder. I thought she had stopped but then another small grant and the bulge increased.

The smell had hit me by now and I said, “Oh fuck, Helen, that’s pungent. Let’s keep walking.“

We continued the last block to my apartment. Helen said, “Fucking hell, this is so filthy and feels so good. I can’t believe I’m doing this in front of you and it turns you on. I never dreamed I’d meet someone who wanted to be around me when I did this.” I replied, “Well I do, darling. Keep walking and tell me how it feels.”

She said “Oh my god, it feels so good hanging in my panties and rubbing against my thighs. I can feel the weight and the smell turns me on. I love the smell of my poo.”

We arrived at my apartment and to my immense relief met no one and made it to my floor alone in the elevator. As we ascended, she kissed me and licked my face, moaning as she fondled the front of my pants.
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As we entered my apartment, she groaned with arousal and said, “Fondle my breasts.” I unbuttoned her blouse, trying not to rip it open, and ran the palms of my hands over her bra.

She pushed down on the top of my head, saying, “I need you to lick my pissy cunt.” I knelt down and pushed up her skirt, mashing my face against her knickers. The smell of urine was strong and the smell of shit a lot stronger. I licked and sucked her through her knickers.

“Oh, fuck” she moaned. I have to do another poo. Let’s go into your bathroom.”

As I stood in front of her, she said, “Put your hand down the front of my panties and feel my hairy twat.” She moaned and squirmed as I palmed her vulva and fingered her sopping cuntslit.

She writhed against me. “Push your hand in further, feel my poo” she begged. I didn’t need to push my palm much further and I felt my fingers against the soft mess in her panties. I pushed further until I had a handful of her faeces. The smell would have been overpowering had I not been so aroused. As it was the smell just turned me on more.

Oh fuck, oh fuck” she moaned. “This is so hot. I love this feeling so much. She reached one hand down between us, gripping my wrist and pulled it up. “Masturbate my cunt with it.” She was utterly in the grip of lust.

I pulled a handful of her shit up and began rubbing it around her hairy vulva with a circular motion, concentrating on her clit.

She writhed against me while reaching back to unclasp her bra which she threw on the floor. I could feel her coming and continued to rub the shit over her vulva until she climaxed almost collapsing against me.

I pulled my hand out and held it up to my nose. “I want to smell it and see it” I said. “Fuck, yes” she moaned and moved her nose close to my hand taking deep breaths. “Oh, fuck me” she said, “That smell turns me on so much.”

Helen licked the shit in my hand and took a small piece into her mouth. “Oh my fucking god” I said, “Do you like the taste? She said, “I don’t eat my shit, but I love to taste it in my mouth”, and with that she pulled my hand up against her mouth and with her lips closed, she rubbed her shit around her mouth and chin.

I was past any sort of care. I placed my lips against hers and forced my tongue into her mouth kissing and moaning. She placed one leg on the edge of the bath and pushed me down to her crotch again. I pulled her filthy panties to one side and slid my face around against her shit-caked cuntal area.

She held my head against her hairy mons, moaning “Oh god suck my filthy cunt… lick my clit.” She orgasmed again and I stood up, massaging her filthy pubes and kissing her.

She pushed me back against the toilet seat and I sat down… her on my thighs. She grabbed my cock and rubbed it around on her shitty mons, before rising and bringing it to her filthy cuntal crevice. She fucked up and down, her matted pubic hair meeting mine and spreading her faeces over me. I could feel my orgasm rising.

“Fuck, Helen… I’m going to come” I cried.

“Yes, oh fucking yes. Push your big cockshaft up my dirty cunt-hole. Spurt in me. Let it go… let it go!”

The cleanup took ages, but we went to my bed and slept like innocents… until the morning.