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My friend Dylan did last year when he came to visit me at college. I hadn’t seen him since high school. He was supposed to spend the weekend with me in my dorm but missed the Friday bus so came on Saturday. We spent most of the afternoon playing video games and catching up. I really missed him. He brought a bottle of vodka his brother bought for him so we mixed it with orange soda but it tasted gross so I only sipped mine a little but he drank lots of it. Around 11 we left for a party my friends were having off campus. Dylan was toasted before we even got there but I was fine. I’m not much of a drinker. I hadn’t realized how social he was. It seemed like he could talk to anyone about anything so I just followed him around mostly. He kept drinking his vodka soda out of a big plastic cup with a straw, talking to any pretty girl who was close to him. They liked him even though he was getting a little sloppy. Around midnight things got kind of weird. Dylan peed his pants. I didn’t see it happen. All of a sudden he was soaked down both of his legs. It was really obvious because he was wearing light colored jeans. I decided it was time to go but for some reason after that happened Dylan got really popular. Everyone could see that he peed and people were taking pictures with him and getting really rowdy. Dylan seemed oblivious and was loving the attention so I just hung around him to make sure he didn’t fall over or get lost. Someone gave him a weed vape and then a few minutes later things got really weird. Dylan’s skin looked really pale and I got worried he was going to puke so I kind of guided him to the bathroom. There was a line of people. Dylan hung on to me, his arm around my shoulder and started talking really loudly about how much he loved me. He was totally wasted. He was mixing up his words and by looking at his eyes I could tell he was seeing double. His hand free hand was holding the crotch of his jeans and I realized he was peeing again. All in his shoes and on the floor, even as he was talking to me. Then I smelled it. At first I thought it was coming from the bathroom. Then it got really strong and kind of smelled like a dirty diaper. Then it got REALLY strong and I could tell by the way Dylan was standing that he was completely shitting his pants. Right away all the people around us parted in a big circle. Some holding their noses and pointing at Dylan who had the weirdest grin on his face. Then this big dude came up behind him, grabbed his collar and shoved him through the kitchen door onto the lawn. I didn’t even have time to help him. He was on the wet grass face down. I panicked and ran after him but I guess he was okay because he was laughing like crazy. I helped him up and we started the slow stumbling walk back to my dorm. Him still telling me what a great friend I was and me praying that he wouldn’t puke on me.
My dorm is on the 11th floor but thank god no one was on the elevator because Dylan peed his pants again. And because he stank so bad. I couldn’t believe this was happening. Dylan’s jeans were trashed. All wet front in the front and back and this big round ball hanging down from his his butt as he walked down the hall to my dorm. It was only when we were inside that I realized how bad I needed to pee so I locked him in and ran to the bathroom. When I got back Dylan was drinking more, straight out of the bottle. I asked for a sip and took the bottle and hid it.
It smelled so bad in there. Even with the window open. Dylan didn’t seem to notice or care how bad his situation was. All he could do was talk nonsense while holding onto the crotch of his jeans like a little kid.
Then things got even weirder. I was so afraid of him peeing on my floor or sitting down and getting poop on my bed that I grabbed a towel and guided him out into the hall and to the bathroom. I told him he had to take a shower and clean himself up. He was so wasted and stumbling around so bad that I wasn’t even sure if he was capable. And then of course once we were safely in a shower stall Dylan passed out. Slumped right onto the floor. By this time I was more than annoyed and worried that he had alcohol poisoning. He was kind of snoring and breathing okay so I woke him up and told him to stand up. It was time for a shower and then to bed. He mumbled a little and tried to get up but failed. I was on my own in this. Nothing could have prepared me. I was going to have to clean him up and I was not happy about it.
I took off my clothes and hung them on the shower door. I took off Dylan’s shirt and shoes and socks and waited. I knew I had to do it but was totally freaked out. I’d never even changed a diaper before, let alone a grown man. I took off his belt, unzipped his jeans and with lots of effort pulled them off. He was a mess. But I was expecting that. What I wasn’t expecting is that he’d be hard. Rock hard. Right through his yellowed white briefs his dick was sticking straight up almost reaching his belly button. He was snoring again. I waited. Totally freaked out. Then he reached out and felt for my hand and held it. We just sat there like that for about a minute. Then he let go and tried to stand up but failed again ending up crumpled on the floor. I stood up and turned on the shower. Completely freezing water covered us and Dylan woke right up. I’d had enough so I resolved to get this done. I got behind him and braced my arms under his armpits and pulled him up, holding him up because his legs were useless. I tried not to feel his mushy underwear pressing into me. The water got warmer and suddenly Dylan’s legs came back. He was standing on his own though still totally incoherent. I turned him around so the water would reach his back and hopefully wash away that big stinking mess back there, but of course he still had his underwear on. I told him to take off his underwear. He just looked at me with big drunk eyes and that little grin, all wet. Angry now, I pulled them down myself. All the way down. It was horrible what he’d done to them. They were absolutely full. My nose couldn’t even deal with it. I put my arms around him and guided him to the best part of the shower, his full weight leaning on me, belly to belly. His dick was totally hard, pressed against mine but what felt even weirder was having him breathing against me. He felt so heavy. In that moment something felt really good. I put it out of my mind and concentrated on cleaning him up. I filled my hands with soap from the dispenser on the wall and while he was pressed up against me, breathing vodka breath all over my neck, I reached around and scrubbed his butt with my bare soapy hands. Then he was holding me, hugging me as I was scrubbing. He bent his knees a little as if to help me clean his crack. At this point I was completely pinned against the shower wall, him squeezing me, our dicks pressed together. As I washed him he pressed harder against me, the soapy water making everything really slippery. His hips moved. Mine did too. Then he came. And I did too. Both my hands in the crack of his soapy bum. He held me so tightly then. Like all of his strength returned. He wouldn’t let go. So I squeezed him back and nuzzled my face between his shoulder and neck, smelling the soap and his vodka breath and his poopy underwear on the floor, the warm water streaming down our bodies.
Dylan was completely fine after that. He showered perfectly well without my help. Even threw out his underwear and pants on his own. He even ran back to the room to get our toothbrushes!
We didn’t talk at all that night. He slept next to me naked, snoring faintly. I was a wreck and slept very little, trying to cope with what had happened.
We didn’t talk about it the next day either. We got a big greasy breakfast and ate in complete silence. I walked him to his bus stop and waited with him until it pulled up. Before getting on he turned around, held my face and kissed me on the lips. A real kiss, like he meant it. Then he was gone.
I didn’t hear from him for a month, which is unusual. I just couldn’t bring myself to text him. Whenever I thought about that night I was confused and grossed out and turned on all at the same time. Then I got an email from him asking if I wanted to go to Scotland with him for his family reunion in May. I said yes.