Lunch time problem

I had gone out for lunch to a little restaurant that everyone in my office had said was very good.  It was a distance from my office, but I walked because I did not want to take my car out of the parking lot and then have to re-park it.  People in my office gave me some recommendations on what to order.  So I looked at the menu and ordered one of their recommendations that sounded good to me. 

It took a while before I was served my lunch, and by the time it did arrive it was getting late.  I have to admit, it was very tasty!  They offered me a free pastry for dessert since my lunch took so long to be served.  I said OK, and they brought me a large éclair.  It too was very good.  I paid the bill and started to walk back to my office. 

I did not get 2 blocks from the restaurant when my stomach started gurgling and I started feeling a twinge of pain in my gut.  I thought it would pass, but it just kept getting worse and worse.  I started to walk faster, because I knew I needed to get to a toilet quickly.  My mind was so focused on getting back to my office, I did not even think of going into one of the other buildings and asking to use one of their restrooms.  I had my building in sight and thought no problem I will get there.  Beads of sweat started forming on my brow and I started having waves of hot flashes.  When I got to the last street I had to cross before reaching my building, I got stuck for the ‘Don’t Walk’ sign.  Just my luck, there was a cop directing traffic on the corner, so I did not dare cross against the light.  I was now desperate!  My stomach was in full distress, and the pain became excruciating.  As soon as the ‘Walk’ sign was lit and the cop gave us the signal to walk, I started running across the street.  I think that was my mistake.  Before I even got to the other side of the street, disaster struck.  What felt like a bubble formed between my butt cheeks, and immediately burst as a flood of diarrhea started to fill by pants.  There was no stopping it once it started.  All I could do was get onto the sidewalk and lean against the building to support myself.  The sharp shooting pain in my stomach continued as I just stood there shitting my pants.  I knew my briefs were loaded.  My green suit pants became a darker green as they got wetter and wetter from the diarrhea. 

Finally my stomach stopped aching, and I stopped shitting.  What was I to do?  I could not go back into the office like this.  I knew my pants were wet and dripping, and besides, I stunk.  I walked to the back of the building near the parking lot.  Fortunately, I had my cell phone.  I called one of my buds from the office and told him I had a personal accident and asked him to lock up my office and bring me my car keys and suit jacket.  When he came to where I was, I told him to keep his distance and toss me my keys.  He was concerned and asked if I was alright and could drive home.  I told him everything was OK.

I rummaged through the trunk of the car looking for the old towel I knew was someplace in there.  Once I found it, I put it on the car seat before I got in.  Sitting down was quite the experience.  I got behind the wheel of the car without letting my butt touch the seat.  I knew I could not drive like that and had to sit down.  My brain was just not ready for that.  I tried to sit, but my brain would not allow my legs to relax so my butt could touch the seat.  I finally slowly lowered myself onto the seat.  As my weight was shifting onto the seat, I felt the mass that was in my briefs ooze out.  Don’t think about it, I kept telling myself.  I did look down and my pants were already visibly stained. 

While driving home I had more twinges of pain in my gut.  I hoped that as long as I was sitting I would not mess my pants again.  I was lucky this time.  I pulled the car into the garage and immediately pressed the button to shut the door behind me.  I got out of the car and stripped in the garage before quickly rushing into the house to sit on the toilet for the next round!  I think I sat on the toilet for at least half an hour if not longer until I was completely out of discomfort and my legs fell asleep! 

Anyone need a fairly new suit jacket?  Sorry no matching pants.  HaHa…

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