In the Hills of Missourri – July 2010

Last weekend, I was in Missourri. A mishap during the week involving eating Ranch Doritos while walking resulted in a corn chip becoming lodged in my nasal cavity and I proceeded to have a full-blown (no pun intended) sinus infection. Turn onions into lemonade; water into pee, and so on. It just so happens that when I am sick, I also have the wildest and most exciting wetting times. It was already weekend and was already camping when I started feeling sick. I got particularly delerious and went to bed early. My bed consisted of a cot, no tent, set out at the edge of the woods at a friends house. I would sleep in my skin tight swimming shorts, either a blue or a black jammer style. I had to pee in the middle of the night and I just got up walked to the edge of the woods and just let it loose. It isn’t really any big deal. Swimming shorts are supposed to get wet, aren’t they? At least I didn’t sweat in them, with all the grease, heavy metals leaving the body through the skin and salty skin emissions, pee is downright clean in comparison. So when I was a kid in school in the playground, nobody ever said, “Hey Look! Bobby sweated in his shirt!” But make one dime-sized wet spot next to the zipper and the crowd goes crazy. “Oh my God, Joey peed his pants!” I guess I am not like most people in deciding what is acceptable. I don’t get swept up in the emotion that we were taught to have, but see things for how it is. Pee may smell funny, but it never stains, nor does it dissolve clothing. It will de-tan leather after about 10 or so times and that is probably where this historical paranoia of wet clothing comes from, but nobody really dresses like that anymore these days. So there I was a dark blue inverse parabola painted on my royal blue Nike jammers. And it was no big deal for me and I didn’t have to pee either. I was sick, drowsy and in extreme delerium and that alone could justify my actions. I lied back down on my cot and dozed. It felt like 30 seconds had passed and I was dry and had to pee again. I remembered what had happened. I have these vitamins that dissolve in a glass of water and makes a fizzy orange juice. I took them to help me feel better, but it didn’t work this time, so I took another. Judging by the missing tablets in the tube, I must have made 5 or 6 drinks with them. That must be why I had to pee so bad. I walked around and walked down the grassy mowed path through the field towards the gate. I walked, coughed, cleared my throat and peed only enough to make the urge go away. Wet and dry and wet again. Just doing what feels okay. I went back to bed after about 90 minutes or so and 5 or 6 wettings. I woke up and the sun was out, sort of damp still. I pulled on some pants so all the wetting lines were hidden and went about the day with my friends.

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