Fishing buddies – Based on a true story

The fishing trip started out early, the three men a father and son and the father’s buddy from the air force all heading out to the lake to seek a long weekend of male camaraderie, camping and drinking beer. Geoff was thirty, married and had kids, but he never stopped going on these trips with his dad Karl and Karl’s old friend Al. They were three big men, tough, thick gutted, the older two somewhere in their late fifties, gruff and no-nonsense. The trip started off with the same jokes all to do with farting and fishing. The truck had been packed to the limit with gear, food and enough water to last them four days, not to mention the cases of beer.

As usual both Karl and Al didn’t take long to start ripping out long stinky farts, some silent, some not. The silent ones were always claimed, “That one’s  mine” Karl would grumble, or “What a stinker” Al would chuckle. Geoff rarely played along, letting them try to claim his farts for their own. When they arrived at the camp site, the place was deserted, after all it was mid-week and not much going on. They set up camp about 50 feet from the water, hauled out the equipment and proceeded to settle in before hitting the water. The last thing to go up was always the latrine tent, a basic large tent tall enough for walking around in complete with two makeshift shitters, folding legs, a seat and a bag underneath. They always used two at a time cause as Geoff’s dad used to say, “In the air force there was no time and we all had to shit at the same time, so you may as well just prepare for that” In all these years Geoff couldn’t recall the need for this ever occurring but still there were two portable shitters in the latrine tent.

After completing set-up they grabbed the lunch that Karl’s wife had packed for them, filled a gallon jug with the ice tea she had made – a new kind, something green-tea, and piled their stuff into the boat. The lake was large and fishing was best at the far end where the waters were deep. “Last call for the latrine” Geoff’s dad would say as if still in the air force. “Hell that would be a relief” Al said laughing. “The worst thing about nearing sixty is the inability to take a crap when you want to” Karl laughed as they piled into the boat and were on their way. Around one, they hauled out the lunch, and poured out the ice tea and sat in the boat bobbing on the gentle waves They drank back the tea, almost the gallon and dipped their rods. The first cramps hit Al. He lifted his wide ass off the seat and ripped out a fart that made the water at the sides of the boat ripple, “One of mine” he said softly. It was a ripper, and hung in the afternoon air until a slight breeze moved it off. “Ohhh Al…smells like you got a load on the go” Geoff”s dad joked, letting out a hisser of his own. Geoff followed the pack and lifted up his butt ripping out a long loud one, “Good boy” his dad said chuckling, “Time to be a big boy with us”

About twenty minutes later they were all silent, wiping away sweat, each one consumed by some weird feeling that was churning in their guts. The farts had stopped coming and so had the jokes. It was Al who spoke first, letting out the information they were all aware of. “I think something has made me sick here. I’m feeling like my stomach has gone bad”, “Try and rip a few, then you’ll feel better” Karl, joked, feeling his own stomach distending by the minute. “Maybe we should get to shore” Geoff suggested, feeling his own colon bubble and seethe with what was clearly going to be catastrophic diarrhea.  Al, rubbed his stomach and wiped some sweat off his lip, “That would be a good idea, I think I may need to use the latrine tent. Soon.” “I hear ya” said Geoff as pressure built in his back end with alarming and sudden speed. Start the motor and get us back Al, Karl said, reeling in his line. Al stood gingerly in the boat and moved to the motor. Before he pulled the cord he stopped and grabbed his behind, “Oooo I need a second here. I may need to go over the side of the boat” “You can’t do that, you’ll tip us” Karl said, laughing. “Okay, let’s get going then” Al said moving once again and stopping suddenly to clench his butt closed with his hand. The others laughed…shitting the pants was always a funny thing right…with guys in a fishing boat a regular riot. Al released his hand and farted wetly into his shorts, the others knew he had shit himself. “Oh boy, gotta get back” Al got the motor started and sat down, wincing at the pressure in his gut. The bouncing on the water only made it worse, until he shut the motor off and said, “I can’t hold onto it fellas” he moved to get up to try getting to the side of the boat and let the load go, a huge wet mess into his pants, unceremoniously, his big gut heaving as the cramps forced him to shit himself” Down his legs onto his shoes through his shorts and pants, wet fart after wet fart, uncontrollable and painful…”Dear Christ” Karl said, “Al are you okay? We’d better get you back. Geoff looked uncomfortably but only because his load was slowly seeping into his shorts, Finally with one big wet gushing fart he released. Geoff’s dad looked over at him “You too?” “Couldn’t hold it in…we must have food poisoning…maybe bad dressing in the sandwiches” And with this he released further, the shit oozing out his shorts and down his bare legs. ” Let’s get back to camp and clean up” was all the ashamed Al could say. He’d never shit himself in his life, other than being a baby, and now he’d done it in front of his air force buddy.

When they got back to shore, Karl too was sweating and uncomfortable. “If you fellas don’t mind I think I am going to use the latrine first, whatever we have I just got it.” he lifted up his wide ass and tried to fart, “Oops, that won’t end well” he said, obviously warning them that a fart now would be the end. “Say did you fellas have cramps?” “Bad” said Geoff, “sudden uncontrollable cramps.” “Well I sure got them now, help me out of the boat”. Karl moved to the side of the craft, clutched his backside suddenly and said “Boy oh boy when this hits it hits” It was when he lifted his leg to get out that it hit hard causing his asshole to release involuntarily until he dumped down his legs with wet farts as music to follow. The three stood clutching their bellies, farting and letting wet shit slide into their underwear, just relieved to be feeling better …..

To be continued

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