Cramps at 25000 ft

During my time serving in the Air Force, our squadron had been posted at an air base in the Middle East and we were now due to fly back to our base in the UK. The flight was to be about 8 hours with in-flight refueling for most of the flight and a short stop-over in Malta. We were up very early that day, as it was to be a dawn take-off. As you can imagine, one of our priorities was to attend to our toilet requirements before getting kitted out with the tight-fitting G-suits. For the past few days, I had been suffering from the “Runs” and I had been a bit concerned about the long flight. On waking up, this day, I did not feel too bad and assumed that the worst was over.
The time came when the squadron took off, climbing to 25000 ft in a loose formation. The day was clear and the view was spectacular as the sun peeped above the horizon. I was feeling confident that the next few hours would pass without any drama, but we were at 2500 ft over the Red Sea when the first cramp hit me and I broke out in a sweat thinking about my captive situation and the need to make it to Malta, which was still many hours away.
I radioed to the squadron leader that I was worried about my stomach problem and he told me that there was nothing that he could do to re-arrange the flight schedule, as the flight refueling aircraft were ordered to meet us at various positions along the flight path. “If you really have to go”, he said, “You will have to soil your pants”.
It was hard to concentrate on the business of flying, with these frequent cramps making me break out in a sweat. I knew that I was not going to make it much further and decided that the best course of action would be to let it out. The stress of trying to hold it in was too much, and with a deep breath, I allowed the runny poop to flood into my pants. There I was, at 2500 ft, sitting in a load of soft poo. I felt a lot better for doing that, although the feeling of sitting in poo did not turn me on. Before we reached Malta, I had to release two more loads into my over-loaded pants.
It was the most embarrassing moment in my life when I got out of the aircraft in Malta and could feel the runny poo sliding down my legs and to see that the rest of the crew knew about my suffering as they looked at the large brown patch behind me.

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  1. A friend of mine told the story of how in World war Two he had been on the flight crew of a very famous bombing ace on missions over Germany. with all the confidence in the world the pilot announced. that he was desperate to poop. a little while later while they were still over the empty ocean he announced”Bombs away”. a puzzled crew looked at him until they realised he meant he had just had to shat in his uniform pants

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