I thought I would share another constipation story from my past. 🙂
This happened about 7 years ago when I was in college. I went on a trip to San Diego with a few close friends. By the fourth day there I still had not pooped once. We had been eating inconsistently, staying at different places, and the fact is I really hate using public bathrooms (whereas none of my friends seem to have a problem with it!) After a night of drinking and almost no sleep, the next day I was feeling so beat while we were walking along the beach that I thought I was going to collapse. Of course I couldn’t tell my friends that a big part of the reason I was feeling so awful was because I was incredibly backed up.
After stopping to get a drink of water I finally had the slightest hint of an urge to go and I knew that we would not return to the house we were staying at until the evening so a public bathroom was my only option. I found a nearby CVS pharmacy and went in there with my friends for the sole purpose of taking a shit after four days of nothing. When I got to the bathrooms there was a mom and her two little kids standing there. They said the women’s room was locked and asked me if the men’s room was locked too. I tested it and saw that it wasn’t. A part of me felt bad and was thinking I should just let them use the men’s room and wait but then I thought there was no way I could ignore this urge to go, I might miss my “window of opportunity”. So I just went in and figured they could get help from the manager.
When I sat on the toilet I knew it was going to be a workout. Immediately I started straining and nothing happened for like the first five minutes (except peeing). I could feel a hard mass in there but it wasn’t going anywhere. It was also a kind of warm bathroom so after a while of intense pushing I was starting to sweat and I was definitely grunting audibly. I remember after a while I felt it start to emerge and it felt like there was no way my butthole was going to be able to stretch that much. But I continued pushing hard and putting my hands on the side of the toilet bowl for leverage. It was near this time that someone else came into the bathroom. I noticed right away it was one of my friends (I recognized his shoes). He said nothing, he was just making sure I was actually in there because it had now been over 10 minutes and he was getting concerned. I’m not sure how much he heard of my efforts, but he knew I was gonna be in there for a while. He left short after realizing it was me in there and I continued. I remember when the biggest fattest part of the turd was almost out I was pushing so hard I felt like I was going to faint. But that’s when it finally came out and made a splash big enough to get water on my worn-out anus. I wished that had been the end of it, but there was more and I continued grunting and pushing for several minutes more as I got out a few smaller, but still hard pieces. At the end my heart was pounding and I was exhausted but I had finally gotten it all out.
I didn’t bother flushing the toilet. Thankfully the mom and kids were not there so they must’ve gotten in the women’s room and hadn’t been standing there listening to me “give birth” for 20 minutes. My friends had bought snacks and were waiting in the front of the store. “Geez, Nevan, longest shit ever” said my friend. I was just like “Yeah, well, I feel like a new man now”. 😛