I’m not exactly a pants pooper the way everybody else is, but I have a promise to the community to document any accident I have.
So I was wearing retired swim jammers underneath these track pants. Sometimes I hit the gym while I’m on campus, so I’m pre-dressed for the occasion so all I have to do is change into shorts. Turns out I ended up studying instead with some friends
I ate two Easter eggs last night and by the time I woke up I suspected there might be trouble. I was burping sulfur dioxide fumes about every minute or so. At about 10:30 am the burps were starting to be complemented with farts. These were high performance, room-clearing farts too.
I tried using the bathroom a few times to untie the painful knot in my abdomen, but it didn’t matter. I was farting once about every 20-40 seconds. By the time 2:00 came around it didn’t let up and I decide to lie down on some chairs pushed together to help it out. I kept trying the bathroom with no luck.
So the study session starts at 5:30 I let off a church-creeper so no one knew it was me, but it got everyone’s attention. But there was one later on that was heard and I was identified as the naughty one.
At about 7:00, I farted, and WHOOPS, had to abort that operation and run to the bathroom because I was out of gas. Repeat this about 4 or 5 times and I thought I was pretty much done.
It is 10:00pm. I feel fine, nothing much bothering me. Yeah, still farting, but it was maybe once every 3 or 4 minutes and getting less frequent. I decide to leave and stand up to pick up my books. I have to fart and fearlessly fire away and next thing I know the back of my legs are wet and so are my track pants.
It was a true hydro-pneumatic air-powered water-fart that felt very convincingly like air. I stood there for a moment to recalculate my strategy because my brain shut down momentarily over the shock and unexpected nature of the situation.
I reached behind and felt and they are wet. I literally shit THROUGH the compression shorts and wet my pants from the back. The room started to smell a kind of roadkill/sewer sort of smell around me. I just casually picked up the rest of my belongings and started my walk home.
I had to walk about 20 minutes and got home. I didn’t know what it looked like behind me, but I was somewhat self-conscious every time a car passed. I got home and was nearly dry by then. I go to use the bathroom and very little happened. I pretty much cleaned myself 20-25 minutes earlier. Anything worse, and I’d have to file this story under scat.
So, it wasn’t lumpy in the but, but more of a shiny wet on my backside, probably accompanied with steam on a cool evening like this. And leaving a stink cloud behind me as I walked.
I still don’t feel much better. I’m laying off the eggs and dairy for a while. I hope things are better tomorrow.