A Sloppy Saturday

Here’s a description of our scat session from last weekend. I wrote it with r/scatstories in mind, so it’s a bit florid, but it’s all pretty much as it happened, complete with details of exactly what terrible taste we have in UK radio and telly.

“For a few days my husband had been eating his ‘scat prep’ diet- lots of rice, no meat or dairy, blueberries, various artificial sweeteners (we know one of them makes his shit sweet, but we haven’t figured out which one yet). We have a routine for this. Then he spends a day in the hot sun sorting out the garden and reroofing the shed. Then he goes for a run. In the meantime, I prepare the kitchen.

I lay down lots of towels, and close all the blinds. We have a particular wide barstool type thing. It’s really ugly, and people wonder why we still have it in the kitchen after redecorating and replacing other furniture. The fact is, it’s our scat stool. Or our ‘stool stool’ as my husbands likes to call it. It’s just the right height and shape for what we’re going to do. I put Planet Rock radio on in the background. Joe Elliott from Def Leppard presents on Saturday evenings and is usually the unwitting MC at our scat sessions, which my husband says is fitting, ‘because Def Leppard are shit’.

I pull out the sofabed in the kitchen and cover it with a rubber sheet and some old bedsheets. By now, I need a poo, but I hold it in.

My husband comes back from his run, and drinks plenty of water.

Then we get to it. We both strip naked, and I just lick and suck as much of his stink off as I can. I cannot ignore the smell of male sweat- it drives me mental. By now, he’s really ripe, and the musky smell clings to his hair all over his body. I can’t keep my hands away from my wet cunt as I taste his armpits. He bends over the special stool and I part his arsecheeks and take a lungful of his anus. It’s wet with sweat, and the smell is intense: musky and with a faint hint of farts and shit. I lick his bumhole, and it pouts at me, twitching and winking slightly. ‘I can barely hold it in’ he says. But it’s not time yet.

Now it’s my turn to bend over the stool. I part my legs and I can feel a cool breeze hit my sopping cunt. I’ve been waiting for this moment, and I can feel my pulse inside my swollen vagina. He crouches and begins slurping at it, sucking on my cuntlips and prodding his tongue at the ‘man in the boat’, which is what he insists on calling my clitoris. I can feel myself getting dangerously close to cumming, and it’s way too early for that.

If he were to stick his cock in my cunt now, we’d both cum in seconds and the evening would come to a rather dull climax. So instead he starts fingering my arse. I’ve got a bumfull of shit and immediately his fingers come out streaked brown. The old familiar smell of my shit hits my nostrils. He then presses the fat head of his cock against my arsehole. He pushes into my arse without difficulty. He holds a shitty finger under my nose and I suck it into my mouth. My first taste of shit tonight. My shit is mild and slightly biscuity. It’s a little bitter and nutty. I suck the finger clean as he very gently humps my arse. ‘Fuck’, he says ‘I can’t do this for long’. The fullness in my bum is stretching me in all the right places, but I don’t want him to cum in there- not yet. So he withdraws. His bellend is reasonably clean, but streaks of shit coat his stiff shaft, and his pubes are already matted with a froth of sweat and shit. His pisshole is clogged with a little nugget of ebony shit. As it passes my face, I can’t help grabbing his cock and digging that little nugget out of his urethra with my thumbnail. It’s tiny. I smear it over my lips. He calls me a filthy tart. My cunt is aching, by arsehole is twitching, and my mouth is salivating. Before I can sort out my cunt and arse properly, I need to fuck my throat with my husband’s shit.

He bends over the ugly stool, and parts his cheeks. The spotlights in the ceiling are trained on his bumhole and I can see every detail. It’s really hairy, and tiny bits of dry shit cling to the hairs nearest his anus. I start licking and gently tugging on his ballbag. Instantly, his arsehole opens. He has the beginnings of a hemmerhoid (I know that’s spelled wrong but I can’t be arsed to look it up) that pops into view as his hole expands. A perfect, dark brown turd shows its head.

I love this arsehole. I’ve had my tongue up it countless times in the past decade. Once I rimmed him on the beach at Brighton at 2 in the morning. I was very drunk, and wanted a little taste of shit, He could just about manage a teaspoonful, which I rolled around my mouth while he wanked and licked me out. He’s told me about his friend on the swimming team who he used to fuck when they were both teenagers as they watched straight porn at his house after practice, when they had the house to themselves for three hours every Sunday. It started with wanking, then wanking each other, then blowjobs, then they’d take turns lubing their cocks with butter and fucking each other’s arses. Both happily married now, and still friends, but I sometimes imagine his mate’s spunk dribbling out of my husband’s twitching bumhole.

Back to the present- I clamp my mouth over his turd, and start wanking my clit as hard as I could. I am positively sucking the turd out of his arse, and I can feel the waves of an orgasm starting to gather. My eyes roll back, as the turd slithers into my neck. As soon as it hits the very back of my throat, but before I gag, I give him the signal- a quick tap on the arsecheek. He clenches his anus, and the perfect, dark, sweet but earthy turd pinches off in my mouth and I close my lips around it, pushing the end of it into my mouth with a finger. This is the moment I LOVE- I stand, legs apart, furiously rubbing at my cunt, eyes rolled back, head back to accomodate this huge shit in my mouth. I bring up a hand and push the turd rhythmically against the back of my throat. As the waves of orgasm get closer, and my legs start to weaken, I have the tremendous urge to consume the shit and have it inside me. This is the moment when my husbands bends me over the stool. He slams his cock up my shitty arse, and starts fucking me vigorously. I am frantically wanking my clit, and as we race to see who comes first, I start to chew and swallow. My cunt spasms madly as I feel substantial portions of my husband’s shit slither down my throat. When the last bit disappears down my gullet, I moan and my cunt starts clamping madly and my orgasm rushes over me. My arsehole is clamping too, and within seconds my husband is practically crushing me against the stool as he grunts and I know that amongst my clotted shit, he is firing his hot cum into my bowel.

We collapse on the sofabed, and as the erotic urges subside, I know I have to concentrate on keeping the shit down and not throwing up. I’ve gotten better and better at this. I lie still and put the telly on while he cleans up (what a busy boy he’s been today!). I drink water and mouthwash and I chew parsley. I clean my arse with wet-wipes.

A couple of hours later, we start getting horny again, and we snuggle up on the sofabed, watching an old episode of Sharpe with Sean Bean. I wanted to watch Great British Ghosts, but he deserves to choose today. He casually starts poking his bellend against my hairy cunt from behind as we spoon. Once I’m wet enough, he slides it in and starts slowly fucking me. This is all very vanilla, until I start talking dirty about the shit in my tummy- how I feel full from the huge turd I fucking ate like a disgusting dirty bitch. He fucking loves that, and he deposits the rest of his cum into my hairy cunt.

We do this (with minor variations) maybe once a month. On Sundays, we clean the kitchen…”

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  1. Thank you for sharing such a wonderful experience. I could just picture your tongue in his hole and devouring his turd. What a lucky couple!

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